


in another world i have loved you

by socallmedaisy



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Magic Realism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-25
Updated: 2012-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-30 03:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socallmedaisy/pseuds/socallmedaisy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brittany remembers all the worlds in which she and Santana have loved each other, but Santana doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in another world i have loved you

The first day at kindergarten, Santana is standing alone at recess eyeing the swings with distrust when she’s suddenly wrapped in tight arms and all she can see is blond hair. Her first instinct should be to struggle, but she freezes and the hug makes her feel safe.

_Hi, my name’s Brittany_ , and there’s something about the way that she says it that makes Santana think what she means is _I’ve been looking for you_.

+

On her birthday, Brittany gives Santana a friendship bracelet with tiny charms on it and when Brittany helps her fasten it around her wrist, Santana knows she’ll never take it off. It feels cold against her skin until the heat of her body warms it, and it feels like a part of Brittany is with her, even after she’s gone.

+

They’re thirteen when Brittany presses herself into Santana’s side while they’re watching a movie and asks if she believes in soulmates. Santana feels something tugging at her low in her belly, and she swallows and asks where Brittany heard that word. Brittany laughs and says Santana had told it to her before, in another world, and in that world it had been true.

Santana curls her pinky finger around her friend’s and watches the rest of the movie in silence. Brittany nods off halfway through and her head falls down to Santana’s shoulder. Santana ignores it.

+

Brittany has always made up worlds for as long as Santana can remember, and though the landscapes and times shift and change they’re always there and they’re always together. When they’re fifteen, Brittany tells her about a world where it’s ok to love whoever you want, and later, Santana kisses her clumsily and cups her face in her hands carefully, like it might break.

+

They lie in the dark half dressed and Brittany whispers about the bad worlds where one of them died or had to leave and how it’s possible to die from a broken heart even if Santana’s dad had told them it wasn’t. She moves closer when she talks and threads her fingers in Santana’s hair, and then Santana holds her and kisses her until she forgets.

+

In some worlds they have to hide and Brittany’s eyes get sad whenever Santana watches the people around them fearfully. Hallways are loud and lockers aren’t private, and Brittany remembers seeing Santana beaten and thrown out of her home, and she doesn’t mind waiting a little longer. Those worlds were long ago and things have changed, even in Ohio, but even if Santana doesn’t remember them the scars are still there where only Brittany can see them.

+

Brittany plays at entwining their fingers together in different ways and tells her how in one world they were connected by a shimmering string and when they kissed it tangled around them, sticky like gossamer. In the morning, Santana’s fingers are numb and still clasped tightly in Brittany’s hand and their hair twists together on the pillow, light and dark. 

+

The other kids laugh at Brittany in Physics class after they hear her excitedly telling Santana about all the other worlds they’ve been in before this one, and then her eyes get sad and she finishes the class in silence, without looking at Santana. In the hallway after, Santana loops her arm through Brittany’s and asks her what makes the other worlds so special that she’d want to talk about them in front of everyone.

_You’re always in them with me, San._

+

Sometimes Brittany wakes in the night and doesn’t know where she is, and then Santana tells her all the things they’ve done and the places they’ve been and strokes her hair gently until she calms down. Santana gets scared that there’s nothing anchoring Brittany to their world, and she watches carefully for signs that she’s starting to float off. When Brittany’s eyes start to get distant, Santana slips her hand into hers and holds her down, and then Brittany smiles and kisses her, and for a little while they get lost in each other.

+

Santana watches as Brittany starts to fade. She’s never seen a person fade before; she didn’t know it was possible, and it breaks her heart that it’s Brittany getting paler and paler in front of her eyes. Brittany explains how there are cracks and she’s doing her best not to fall through them, and Santana links their pinkies together everywhere they go but it’s not enough; Brittany needs her hand and she can’t give her that, not where people can see.

At night, Santana holds Brittany in her arms and sobs into her hair, _I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ , over and over.

+

Santana sees the cracks following them, and she stands between them and Brittany, trying to do anything to stop them coming closer. They get bigger, and Brittany stares at the walls with wide eyes, clutching Santana’s arm tight enough to bruise. Santana swallows and wonders if there will ever be a world where she’s brave enough to save Brittany. 

As if she can hear her thought, Brittany smiles and squeezes her arm, _I’ll find it_ , she whispers, and Santana knows she will.

+

Time isn’t linear; they’ll get another chance at this, and the next time Santana will take the other path and Brittany will hold her hand and kiss her in the sunlit hallways of their school, and Santana will reach up to tangle her fingers in blond hair and pull her closer.

+

Santana tries to hold on when the cracks are so close she can feel the pull, but Brittany has faded so much that there’s nothing she can do. Santana wraps her arms around her and kisses her desperately, and the crack gets bigger and bigger behind them.

_I won’t forget this time_ , she promises between kisses, and she knows it’s a lie before she’s finished speaking. She always forgets, and it isn’t fair, but Brittany remembers and Brittany will find her again.

_You will, but I’ll find you anyway._

After, Santana stares at the wall in confusion and feels the weight of the friendship bracelet on her wrist, hot against her cold skin. 

+

Her mom asks her where the bracelet came from and why she never takes it off and Santana shrugs, unable to answer. She tugs at the heart charm at night in bed, and there’s something she can almost remember if only she could stare hard enough and make her brain work through the hazy fog of sleep that threatens to engulf her. 

She dreams of blond hair. 

+

The first day at kindergarten, Santana is sitting alone near the slide when she sees her. She’s on her feet and moving before she knows what she’s doing and when Brittany notices her coming closer her eyes light up and she takes three steps and they meet in the middle, suddenly shy.

Santana scuffs at the floor with her sneaker and watches the blond girl play with a bracelet on her wrist, and it’s the same as the one on hers so she looks up and smiles. 

_Hi, my name’s Santana_ , and there’s something about the way that she says it that makes Brittany think what she means is _I’ve been looking for you_.


End file.
